Gems Blog

I don't feel very happy right now so if you're looking for positivity do not continue reading.

Oh my god. I can't explain how I feel. I feel like I should be excited and grateful and all I can think is that I wish things were different. I don't want to go on this stupid trip. I don't want to go somewhere where I can't trust anyone. I don't want my sense of security to be in a little pouch that I hang under my shirt and down my pants so that no one can steal it. I know that at some point I will look back on this blog and see my stupidity but right now I need to vent my fears and frustrations and i don't need some silly piece of advice back. Today I've been told that if I don't get my organisational skills together I'm likely to end up in some random airport having a panic attack. And by the way I rely on everyone else to solve my problems for me. Is this true? Probably and it is just the piece of insight I need before I go on an overseas trip. Fuck this shit man. I'm supposed to be going on a trip of a life time and all I can do is feel sorry for myself because of all the pressure. God, I know I am a lucky girl and I'm grateful for my blessings but despite all this my sense of security has been evaporated. Please believe in me even when I feel like no one else does. I love you so much.

Ok that one just worked. I have a confession but. David is with me. That probably helped the process a little.

I am just going to write a really short blog because it might not work. Wrote one other noght didn't work so this is a check one.

It is 12:13 and I've got home from work and I'm glad I found time to write a blog. Actually writing in the blog so far isn't the good bit. I'm glad I found out that everyone enjoyed Matrix. I was able to read some people's blogs. I had a direct link to Howies and from his I linked Tom's. I wasn't able to get to any other's but that's OK for now.
Robert if you read this I'm glad that dinner with Jo and co was good. By the sounds of it you did enjoy yourself. Jo is an easy person to be around so I suppose her family is too.
Tom I find it a coincidence that someone had a dream about you the same week you tell me about that really wierd dream you had. Do you sometimes find patterns like that occuring?
Anyway I wish I could have gone to Matrix but the Lion King was fantstic. The first half was a bit slow but the second half I got really into.
I love the line Nala sings
"He's holding back, he's hiding
but what I can't decide
why won't he be the king I know he is the king I see inside."

I love that bit, there were a few other seens that were good too. They showed with greater effect Scar losing the plot from what he had done.

Gotta go now. I'm glad I was able to record my memory. I can see a purpose to this beyond gossip.

Tonight we had community dinner. I really like how everyone comes over to our house. We all spend time together and it is really nice. I never really expected so many people to come. Anyway we really should talk about sex at the dinner table rather that poo.
This is kind of cool writing this blog. Thankyou very much tom. Ive been asking for a blog for so long and now I have one, i'm very grateful. Now I can read all your secrets.
Thats it for tonight, will try and find time to write tomorrow. I wish I was going to the Matrix. Then I could make out with the boys in the cinema. Ah ha theres my first secret, I expect everyone to write a secret now.
Goodnoight sleep well.

This is my first blog.